so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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