Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
