no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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