it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
