Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
there was a trapeze. enough said
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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