she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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