At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think I won the penis lottery.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sorry my hands just texted you
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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