none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
