Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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