If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
