the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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