Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
pop tarts are not kleenex
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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