So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
