school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
we're so committed to being not committed
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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