where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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