I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
