i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
