Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
