The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
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