tell your sister to shave her snatch
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
