i think my tv is drunk
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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