Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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