So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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