You really coming over, don't trick.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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