GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
