I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
