She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
