well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Alive.
So much puke
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize