My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
