Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
