Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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