I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
