we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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