I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
