He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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