Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She even gives head with a lisp.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
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