Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
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