I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
