i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
