Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
