Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Actions speak louder than pants.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
