well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
