im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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