I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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