what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
