So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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