mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
