There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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