That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
