Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you win again, gameday.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
