Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
