i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
