Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
